On January 20, CAPSA therapist, Vikki Salinas delivered the following speech to a crowd gathered for Logan Utah’s second annual Women’s March.
Hello! My name is Vikki Salinas, and I am a therapist who works at Citizens Against Physical and Sexual Abuse, or, CAPSA. I have worked with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault for more than a decade, but I learned about the Me Too movement, like many of you, just a few months ago. As the movement gained speed on social media, my first thought was what an excellent way to help others know they are not the only ones that have experienced sexual assault or rape. These two short words – me too – carry the weight of a centuries-long struggle to be seen. To be heard. To be understood. The pain of sexual assault and rape can be a burden too great to carry on our own, but these two short words say: “You are not alone in your experience, I hear you.” And women around the world have boldly shared these words and their stories, and with that, they have declared, enough is enough!
The activist Tarana Burke founded the Me Too movement 10 years ago. Before she started the movement Tarana was the program director for Brooklyn-based Girls for Gender Equity, and her main goal was to empower young women of color. In 1997, Tarana found herself sitting across from a 13-year-old girl who was explaining her experience with sexual assault. Tarana was left speechless, not even working up the courage to say the words Me Too. 10 years after that conversation is where the Me Too movement started. Tarana went on to create Just Be Inc., a non-profit organization that helps victims of sexual harassment and sexual assault. Tarana actively sought resources that were not readily available to her 10 years before and committed herself to helping people who had been abused.
Tarana did not intend for the Me Too movement to grow into what it is today, becoming the major social media campaign that it has now become. Tarana envisioned a social movement that takes a bold stance and empowers women and girls to proclaim, “I am not ashamed, I am not alone.” Me Too is a statement from survivor to survivor that says: “I see you, I hear you, I understand you.”
One thing I know from doing this work: survivors of sexual assault and rape want to be heard. They want to feel validated and safe. They want to know they can talk to someone and not feel pressured to make any one decision. When women are heard, they are empowered to take that next step, or finally close that chapter in their lives that has hurt them so badly. At CAPSA, we provide a safe environment free of judgment where a person can feel heard and know their experience is validated when we tell them “This wasn’t your fault.”
This is an exciting time in the struggle for gender equality. The mountain is steep, and the burden is great, but together we will reach the summit and look out on a world where instead of victims being blamed for what has happened to them or be made to feel ashamed of themselves they are encouraged and supported in their healing journey. Let us keep pressing forward, let us not lose the momentum we are experiencing. Let the Me Too movement not just be but a moment, but a movement. Tell those who are brave enough to share their stories of sexual assault that you hear them. You don’t have to walk in their shoes to feel their pain…you just have to walk beside them and tell them “I see you, I hear you, I understand you. And…I am with you.”
As individuals, there are many ways for us to work toward ending abuse within our communities; we can stop victim blaming. We can intervene if we feel an individual is being pressured into unwanted physical activity or if their significant other is ignoring or mistreating them. We can alert authorities when we hear whispers of abuse, or threats of individuals taking their lives or that of their children if a relationship ends. Another way we can end abuse, however, is to support our local leaders making a difference.
Two Utah politicians are constantly moving forward bills and amendments to further free and empower survivors of abuse. Angela Romero of the Utah House of Representatives and Todd Weiler of the Utah State Senate, are enacting laws that are making a difference.
Previous Laws
In 2015, Romero and Weiler introduced a bill defining what consent means. They proposed consent could not be given if an individual is incapacitated, and consent could not be given if the individual was unable, at the moment, to understand the consequences of their choice. The bill passed, and now these definitions of consent are used in Utah courts.
In 2017, Romero and Weiler introduced Sexual Assault Kit Processing Amendments. The bill required all sexual assault kits, except for those classified as restricted kits, to be tested and obtain DNA profiles. It also mandated that sexual assault kits be completed within a certain amount of time. The Department of Public Safety was given authority to implement a sexual assault kit tracking system, and the Department of Public Safety and the Utah Prosecution Council were required to provide training to law enforcement on how to respond to sexual assault cases. This bill passed and all provisions therein became effective on May 9, 2017.
Also in 2017, Romero and Weiler introduced Campus Advocate Confidentiality Amendments. This bill defined terms and made it clear who was responsible for reporting information in a case of domestic violence or sexual assault in a higher education setting.
Upcoming Bills
In 2018, Romero and Weiler are introducing the Domestic Violence, Dating Violence and Stalking Amendments. This bill proposes a cohabitant can be defined as an individual who, “is or was in a consensual sexual relationship with the other party.” By adding this definition, individuals who were not married or living together, but experienced abuse, can file for protective orders and seek safety within the courts.
The proposed bill also adds many responsibilities to law enforcement officers who are called to an abusive situation. The bill proposes, “A law enforcement officer who responds to an allegation of stalking shall use all reasonable means to protect the victim and prevent further violence including:… confiscating the weapon or weapons involved in the alleged stalking; making arrangements for the victim and any child to obtain emergency housing or shelter; providing protection while the victim removes essential personal effects; arranging, facilitating or providing for the victim and any child to obtain medical treatment; and arranging, facilitating, or providing the victim with immediate and adequate notice of the rights of the victims and of the remedies and services available to victims of stalking.”
The bill also requires victims of stalking be given a list of local shelters and directions on how and where to file a stalking injunction.
This bill will be discussed in the 2018 general legislative session, and a decision will likely be made in March 2018. We encourage each of you to let your representatives know you support Senate Bill 27, and we encourage you to reach out to Representative Romero and Senator Weiler and thank them for their work.
We can make a difference through our policies, laws and political involvement.
https://www.capsa.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/capsaLogo.png00Maddie Sotohttps://www.capsa.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/capsaLogo.pngMaddie Soto2018-01-04 12:04:542018-01-04 12:05:24Support local representatives
Domestic violence and sexual assault is hard to talk about. We want to make a difference in society, and we want survivors to feel like they can talk about their feelings and experiences, but it’s scary.
It’s scary for the survivor of abuse to open up about what happened to them, but it’s also scary to hear.
I presented to parents and their children today, and I had no idea what to say. I wanted to teach the kids what CAPSA is so they can be a resource for their peers, but I also didn’t want to introduce them to a world they may never have been exposed to. For those who came from loving families, I didn’t want to be the one to tell them that some parents hit their children and their spouse. I didn’t want to tell them of the policeman who called CAPSA because a man threatened to kill his mother-in-law. I didn’t want to be the one to take away a child’s innocence. That’s part of why I didn’t want to talk about domestic violence today. But what other reasons do we have for not talking about abuse? Can I suggest a few?
Not in my…
Just like we don’t want to shatter the innocence of children, we also don’t want to ruin the reality we’ve created for ourselves. Even though we know abuse happens, we don’t want to own up to the fact that our society and our families are imperfect. We want to believe that our family’s better than that; our neighborhood’s better than that; our state’s better than that; our church is better than that, but abuse happens to everyone and anyone. It is no respecter of person’s, and though we can take steps to prevent it, we can’t ignore it when it does exist.
I should have known
We also may not want to talk about abuse because we don’t want to feel guilty or like we should have known. When a brother, sister or neighbor tells you they’ve been abused, you don’t want to be the one thinking, “If only I had known…” You also don’t want to be thinking back on your interactions and wondering how you missed the signs. That happened to me once. A co-worker unexpectedly disappeared and said she’d moved to Texas. She’d been inconsistent in her work recently, and I just thought she had a more whimsical, care-free personality than I did. I later found out she’d been taken by her partner to Texas and kept hostage in an apartment. She secretly sent a message to her parents letting them know her location, and with the help of police, they rescued her and brought her home.
Even though she was free from her abuser, he still called asking for her at work. I was always the one to answer the phone, and I didn’t know if it was better to tell him she no longer worked at the office or to tell him she was unavailable. I wasn’t sure what would be safer. But I still look back on that situation and think about how my coworker’s partner was always on Skype. We’d be in a meeting and he’d Skype in, and she had to answer it. He made her wear a ring on her left hand, and we all thought she was engaged or married, but she just said it was a promise ring. I look back and I see all these signs of abuse. How did I not notice them before? But although I was interning at CAPSA at the time, I was still caught in reason number one of why we don’t talk about abuse. I thought nothing like that would happen to my family, friends or co-workers. I may even have underestimated how common abuse is in Logan. Even being an intern, I may have thought, ‘well yeah, it happens to some people, but not my kind of people. Not people who are working where I am, pursuing a master’s degree and living a successful life.’ I was wrong.
Though it’s scary to talk about abuse, and it’s sad to think about individuals like my co-worker kidnapped and trapped, it’s important to talk about abuse, because you never know who’s going to talk to you about it. You also can’t end abuse if you don’t know what it is or what it looks like.
How to talk about it
Here are a few tips for discussing abuse with your family and peers:
Use the media. TV shows, songs, music videos, movies and video games all provide opportunities to discuss domestic abuse and sexual assault. The National Network to End Domestic Violence has a list of more than 60 popular movies with domestic violence themes in them. Use this resource to know how and when to talk to children about what they’re seeing.
Allow children to express themselves. Sometimes children won’t want to talk to you about domestic violence, but they may find it helpful to draw a picture about it or write in their journal about their feelings. Allow them to learn in whatever way is beneficial for them.
Ask questions. Ask your peers about their dating lives. Talk about concerns and frustrations. Allow individuals to share their feelings with you freely.
Do service. Providing service for CAPSA, or a similar organization, can be a good way to introduce people to domestic violence. If doing a coat drive, individuals may ask why we need coats. If helping in daycare, explain to those around you why CAPSA has a daycare, and how it helps clients.
Refer to the experts. If you don’t know how to talk about a certain issue, you can always give CAPSA a call at (435) 753-2500, and we’ll help you out. We understand you may not know all the statistics, legal terms or complications associated with domestic violence or sexual assault. We’ll help you understand these things, as you have a desire to learn more.
KATIE STRINGHAM | DEVELOPMENT SUPPORT COORDINATOR | KATIE@CAPSA.ORG
https://www.capsa.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/capsaLogo.png00Maddie Sotohttps://www.capsa.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/capsaLogo.pngMaddie Soto2017-12-27 16:42:222023-05-26 12:27:02Talk about abuse
Logan, Utah Women’s March
On January 20, CAPSA therapist, Vikki Salinas delivered the following speech to a crowd gathered for Logan Utah’s second annual Women’s March.
Hello! My name is Vikki Salinas, and I am a therapist who works at Citizens Against Physical and Sexual Abuse, or, CAPSA. I have worked with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault for more than a decade, but I learned about the Me Too movement, like many of you, just a few months ago. As the movement gained speed on social media, my first thought was what an excellent way to help others know they are not the only ones that have experienced sexual assault or rape. These two short words – me too – carry the weight of a centuries-long struggle to be seen. To be heard. To be understood. The pain of sexual assault and rape can be a burden too great to carry on our own, but these two short words say: “You are not alone in your experience, I hear you.” And women around the world have boldly shared these words and their stories, and with that, they have declared, enough is enough!
The activist Tarana Burke founded the Me Too movement 10 years ago. Before she started the movement Tarana was the program director for Brooklyn-based Girls for Gender Equity, and her main goal was to empower young women of color. In 1997, Tarana found herself sitting across from a 13-year-old girl who was explaining her experience with sexual assault. Tarana was left speechless, not even working up the courage to say the words Me Too. 10 years after that conversation is where the Me Too movement started. Tarana went on to create Just Be Inc., a non-profit organization that helps victims of sexual harassment and sexual assault. Tarana actively sought resources that were not readily available to her 10 years before and committed herself to helping people who had been abused.
Tarana did not intend for the Me Too movement to grow into what it is today, becoming the major social media campaign that it has now become. Tarana envisioned a social movement that takes a bold stance and empowers women and girls to proclaim, “I am not ashamed, I am not alone.” Me Too is a statement from survivor to survivor that says: “I see you, I hear you, I understand you.”
One thing I know from doing this work: survivors of sexual assault and rape want to be heard. They want to feel validated and safe. They want to know they can talk to someone and not feel pressured to make any one decision. When women are heard, they are empowered to take that next step, or finally close that chapter in their lives that has hurt them so badly. At CAPSA, we provide a safe environment free of judgment where a person can feel heard and know their experience is validated when we tell them “This wasn’t your fault.”
This is an exciting time in the struggle for gender equality. The mountain is steep, and the burden is great, but together we will reach the summit and look out on a world where instead of victims being blamed for what has happened to them or be made to feel ashamed of themselves they are encouraged and supported in their healing journey. Let us keep pressing forward, let us not lose the momentum we are experiencing. Let the Me Too movement not just be but a moment, but a movement. Tell those who are brave enough to share their stories of sexual assault that you hear them. You don’t have to walk in their shoes to feel their pain…you just have to walk beside them and tell them “I see you, I hear you, I understand you. And…I am with you.”
You can view a recording of the speech on YouTube.
Support local representatives
As individuals, there are many ways for us to work toward ending abuse within our communities; we can stop victim blaming. We can intervene if we feel an individual is being pressured into unwanted physical activity or if their significant other is ignoring or mistreating them. We can alert authorities when we hear whispers of abuse, or threats of individuals taking their lives or that of their children if a relationship ends. Another way we can end abuse, however, is to support our local leaders making a difference.
Two Utah politicians are constantly moving forward bills and amendments to further free and empower survivors of abuse. Angela Romero of the Utah House of Representatives and Todd Weiler of the Utah State Senate, are enacting laws that are making a difference.
Previous Laws
In 2015, Romero and Weiler introduced a bill defining what consent means. They proposed consent could not be given if an individual is incapacitated, and consent could not be given if the individual was unable, at the moment, to understand the consequences of their choice. The bill passed, and now these definitions of consent are used in Utah courts.
In 2017, Romero and Weiler introduced Sexual Assault Kit Processing Amendments. The bill required all sexual assault kits, except for those classified as restricted kits, to be tested and obtain DNA profiles. It also mandated that sexual assault kits be completed within a certain amount of time. The Department of Public Safety was given authority to implement a sexual assault kit tracking system, and the Department of Public Safety and the Utah Prosecution Council were required to provide training to law enforcement on how to respond to sexual assault cases. This bill passed and all provisions therein became effective on May 9, 2017.
Also in 2017, Romero and Weiler introduced Campus Advocate Confidentiality Amendments. This bill defined terms and made it clear who was responsible for reporting information in a case of domestic violence or sexual assault in a higher education setting.
Upcoming Bills
In 2018, Romero and Weiler are introducing the Domestic Violence, Dating Violence and Stalking Amendments. This bill proposes a cohabitant can be defined as an individual who, “is or was in a consensual sexual relationship with the other party.” By adding this definition, individuals who were not married or living together, but experienced abuse, can file for protective orders and seek safety within the courts.
The proposed bill also adds many responsibilities to law enforcement officers who are called to an abusive situation. The bill proposes, “A law enforcement officer who responds to an allegation of stalking shall use all reasonable means to protect the victim and prevent further violence including:… confiscating the weapon or weapons involved in the alleged stalking; making arrangements for the victim and any child to obtain emergency housing or shelter; providing protection while the victim removes essential personal effects; arranging, facilitating or providing for the victim and any child to obtain medical treatment; and arranging, facilitating, or providing the victim with immediate and adequate notice of the rights of the victims and of the remedies and services available to victims of stalking.”
The bill also requires victims of stalking be given a list of local shelters and directions on how and where to file a stalking injunction.
This bill will be discussed in the 2018 general legislative session, and a decision will likely be made in March 2018. We encourage each of you to let your representatives know you support Senate Bill 27, and we encourage you to reach out to Representative Romero and Senator Weiler and thank them for their work.
We can make a difference through our policies, laws and political involvement.
Talk about abuse
Domestic violence and sexual assault is hard to talk about. We want to make a difference in society, and we want survivors to feel like they can talk about their feelings and experiences, but it’s scary.
It’s scary for the survivor of abuse to open up about what happened to them, but it’s also scary to hear.
I presented to parents and their children today, and I had no idea what to say. I wanted to teach the kids what CAPSA is so they can be a resource for their peers, but I also didn’t want to introduce them to a world they may never have been exposed to. For those who came from loving families, I didn’t want to be the one to tell them that some parents hit their children and their spouse. I didn’t want to tell them of the policeman who called CAPSA because a man threatened to kill his mother-in-law. I didn’t want to be the one to take away a child’s innocence. That’s part of why I didn’t want to talk about domestic violence today. But what other reasons do we have for not talking about abuse? Can I suggest a few?
Not in my…
Just like we don’t want to shatter the innocence of children, we also don’t want to ruin the reality we’ve created for ourselves. Even though we know abuse happens, we don’t want to own up to the fact that our society and our families are imperfect. We want to believe that our family’s better than that; our neighborhood’s better than that; our state’s better than that; our church is better than that, but abuse happens to everyone and anyone. It is no respecter of person’s, and though we can take steps to prevent it, we can’t ignore it when it does exist.
I should have known
We also may not want to talk about abuse because we don’t want to feel guilty or like we should have known. When a brother, sister or neighbor tells you they’ve been abused, you don’t want to be the one thinking, “If only I had known…” You also don’t want to be thinking back on your interactions and wondering how you missed the signs. That happened to me once. A co-worker unexpectedly disappeared and said she’d moved to Texas. She’d been inconsistent in her work recently, and I just thought she had a more whimsical, care-free personality than I did. I later found out she’d been taken by her partner to Texas and kept hostage in an apartment. She secretly sent a message to her parents letting them know her location, and with the help of police, they rescued her and brought her home.
Even though she was free from her abuser, he still called asking for her at work. I was always the one to answer the phone, and I didn’t know if it was better to tell him she no longer worked at the office or to tell him she was unavailable. I wasn’t sure what would be safer. But I still look back on that situation and think about how my coworker’s partner was always on Skype. We’d be in a meeting and he’d Skype in, and she had to answer it. He made her wear a ring on her left hand, and we all thought she was engaged or married, but she just said it was a promise ring. I look back and I see all these signs of abuse. How did I not notice them before? But although I was interning at CAPSA at the time, I was still caught in reason number one of why we don’t talk about abuse. I thought nothing like that would happen to my family, friends or co-workers. I may even have underestimated how common abuse is in Logan. Even being an intern, I may have thought, ‘well yeah, it happens to some people, but not my kind of people. Not people who are working where I am, pursuing a master’s degree and living a successful life.’ I was wrong.
Though it’s scary to talk about abuse, and it’s sad to think about individuals like my co-worker kidnapped and trapped, it’s important to talk about abuse, because you never know who’s going to talk to you about it. You also can’t end abuse if you don’t know what it is or what it looks like.
How to talk about it
Here are a few tips for discussing abuse with your family and peers:
KATIE STRINGHAM | DEVELOPMENT SUPPORT COORDINATOR | KATIE@CAPSA.ORG